James P Adhams
New York, NY 10019
Dear Mr. Claude Hankers:
Thank you for sending your manuscript “Meowers in the Attic,” but it is not right for us. I don’t know where you got the idea that feline incest books were “in”, but I’d advise you to not follow trends when you write a book, no matter what that trend might be. Because of the adult nature of the relationship among the Pussoir family, I think this novel might be hard to place anywhere people can read. At first, the cute names and “purrfect” cat world make it seem like this might be a children’s tale, but as soon as the brother and sister cat get intimate (I’m being delicate here), all bets are off. I found the mother/sister scenes particularly disturbing, and I read manuscripts for a living. I’d be very careful with showing this to anyone who hasn’t done at least some time in prison. The scratching post orgy made me throw up in my mouth. Sadly, I was on a crowded subway without air conditioning.
I also have to say that your idea of inserting my family’s names into your book was upsetting and creepy, not “eye-catching.” I don’t know how you got this personal information and whether or not you are pulling this trick with every editor you submit “Meowers in the Attic” to, but I’d knock it off immediately. When I read my children’s names, I felt violated, but when I saw my wife’s name as well as my own participating in some sickening behavior, I felt rage well up inside me. Instead of finding you, I have contacted Random House’s lawyers who will be monitoring your behavior from now on.
I understand that being a writer is tough, but I think you need help. I don’t know how you attended all those summer writers’ conferences with this work without getting arrested or run out on a rail. If I had the time or inclination, I’d try to verify those prizes and scholarships you claim you’ve won. Instead, I joined a kickboxing gym on the advice of my wife and therapist (not the same person). I’d recommend you get yourself a decent therapist or check in somewhere for a spell.
Needless to say for any sane person, please do not contact me or Random House again.
James P Adhams