"I fell on my head a lot as a child, so I have no sense of smell. So, to me, farts are just funny noises people make with their butts."
 - Gentleman to clerks at Video Library

"…recycling water directly from sewer to tap…"
 - Overheard from an environmental report on KUNM radio

"Our doctor must be running a little behind."
 - Overheard in a local proctologist’s waiting room