Stuff White People Like  author Christian Lander continues his successful spree of self-hatred and racial send-ups with Whiter Shades of Pale. I am proud (in the non-white variety) to say that alternative newspapers were given an entry, No. 37.

According to Lander, "Prior to the advent of the Internet, [an alternative newspaper] was white people's primary source of cultural information and deals on backpacking vacations to Europe."

Landers'  books are set up as lists of stuff that white people like, followed by explanations of how to use those things to deal with/exploit said people. They are also very, very funny. Though Whiter Shades of Pale doesn't have as much shock value as Stuff White People Like the website did when it came out in 2008, it is an updated and thus more timely rendition. This edition tracks around the country, summarizing places in the above terms. According to Lander, white people in Santa Fe "usually focus on their spirituality, which is some sort of mix between Budhism, Native American wisdom, and a strange worship of crystals" (marginally untrue and dated, but alas).

More on alt.weeklies:

"Additionally, the alternative newspaper provides an important step in the career of a white person who wishes to pursue a career in journalism. Currently the path works as follows: college newspaper -> alternative newspaper internship -> unemployment."

Sorry, dear interns.

"…securing a full-time (not freelance) job with one of theses papers is considered one of the greatest accomplishments in all of white culture. Working as a writer at an alternative newsweekly is one of those high-prestige, low-pay jobs that white people seem to covet so dearly. Other professions in this category include bicycle messenger, graduate student, and bookstore employee."

I am validated. 

Other stuff that made the list of stuff white people like: "Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy," "Heirloom Tomatoes," "Products Made by People Named Tom."


Whiter Shades of Pale
232 Pages
Random House Trade Paperback
$15