Dear America,

Now that we're soon to revel in all the evils of giant socialized government health care (aka "deathcare"), we will no longer have to resort to big-box health care alternatives, such as the ones provided by Target. No more "Plastic Organs" as placebo for failing naturally occurring organs—a result of not having regular check ups. Additionally, Target's "Youth Storage" for sick children will be virtually useless, now that kids under 19 can't be excluded from heath insurance plans based on pre-existing conditions. You've made your bed, America. Now sleep soundly and without sharp pains in it.