--2 Eyedropper
Oct. 25, 2016


Caffeinated Crap or Sex Drug?

March 15, 2010, 12:00 am
By Rani Molla
Holy putrid garbage, Batman. Caffeinated jerky?

Is it true that the act of eating meat—the real fork-and-knife kind—was just so detestable that it had to be altered to its most pill-like form? Or that coffee was just too hot and repugnant to be an adequate source of caffeine? What type of life must one lead that he or she hasn't the time nor the capacity for joy to eat anything resembling, well, anything?

Oh wait, never mind. This is just a common sexual enhancement drug that can be found at any gas station. "Perky jerky," "performance enhancing meat," enough said.

Those ever planning on putting this amalgam into their bodies will be glad to know this is the "Worlds best tasting jerky with no preservatives" ("World's"? "Worlds'"? Is there better tasting jerky with preservatives?). And that they won't get the "sugar crash" they'd get from their regular two energy drinks a day—because this is meat, not soda nor coffee nor anything else that's a palatable medium for the drug.


Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”


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