--2 Classified or Classif*cked?
         
June 28, 2016

Classified or Classif*cked?

April 14, 2009, 12:00 am
By SFR Staff


Unsolicited responses to the week's weirdest classified advertisements.


Female Duck Wanted in Española
I am looking for a female duck. Our female duck died two days ago and the male is very lonely. Please let us know if you have a duck you would like to sell.
Thank you.


Dear Duck Wanter,
Nobody is going to sell or give you any ducks. Why? Because it would obviously be cruel and unusual duck punishment: Anyone who knows ducks knows why your female died. Your male duck—technically called a drake—killed your female by viciously humping it to death. Depending on what part of the breeding season you are in, you'll need 5 to 10 ducks to satisfy your drake's need to spread his seed.  If you're matching one drake to one duck, you're either under the religious, anthropomorphic spell that one male and one female is God's preferred matching or you are making the kind of YouTube videos that should have the FBI's sex crimes unit rappelling through your skylight any second now. Try trading your male for a pair of females, who will get along like gangbusters and happily lay eggs without a drake in sight. That is if you can tolerate two lady ducks licking each other in the nether feathers if the mood strikes them.

Classif*cker

 

comments powered by Disqus
 

Morning Word: Wildfire 100 Percent Contained

Morning Word Officials are monitoring a 3-mile area near the Santa Fe watershed but say the fire that burned 7.6 acres is now out.  ... More

June 27, 2016 by Peter St. Cyr

Fire Starts in City Watershed

Major resources on tap to fight fire that began Thursday in the Santa Fe Watershed

Local News A small wildfire has ignited in the Santa Fe Municipal Watershed, just upstream of McClure Reservoir and in the wilderness portion of the watershed.  ... More

June 23, 2016 by Elizabeth Miller

Newsletters

* indicates required
Choose your newsletter(s):

@SFReporter on Instagram

 

 
Close
Close
Close