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NEW SERIES! Recently, In Court

March 10, 2009, 12:00 am
By Corey Pein
Episode 1: Every Breath You Take

SCENE: SANTA FE YARD

A man plants some trees.

SCENE: SANTA FE YARD, A FEW WEEKS LATER

He plants some more trees.

ENTER UPSET NEIGHBORS

UPSET NEIGHBOR 1



Your trees will block our view of the mountains when they grow. Will you please move them?

TREE-PLANTING MAN



No.

SCENE: TREE-PLANTING MAN'S YARD

Tree-Planting Man builds a fence.

ENTER UPSET NEIGHBOR

The old fence was three feet. This fence is six feet. WTF?

MONTAGE OF GROWING DISPUTE. UPSET NEIGHBORS CALL A POLICE OFFICER. THEY FILE A LAWSUIT. EMAILS ARE TRADED, SOME OF THEM NASTY.

TREE-PLANTING MAN VOICEOVER



"Notice! The time has come for you to stop your harrassment of my wife and me...Following one of your immature little-girl hissy-fit e-mails back in August...we put both your addresses on the spam filter...I also find your childish behavior of prompting your four-year-old child to shout obscenities and names at my wife to be extremely harrassing...

"In case you have not noticed, we have installed audio and video surveillance equipment on our house. Anything you do or say near our property is being monitored and taped twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week."

SCENE: TREE-PLANTING MAN'S YARD

Tree-Planting Man erects a tripod outfitted with two surveillance cameras overlooking Upset Neighbors' property.

UPSET NEIGHBOR VOICEOVER



"We against asked what we could do about this situation; and were told that we could do nothing because there is no ordinance. We once again swallowed this and tried to ignore it. Guests have actually come to our house with no knowledge and commented on the fact that there are camera's [sic] pointed at them."

SCENE: UPSET NEIGHBORS' YARD

Upset Neighbor looks over the accursed fence. He sees a hand-lettered signpost that reads: "YOUR RV SMELLS LIKE A SEWER / FIX IT / TOMORROW I WILL CALL THE CITY."

CUT

From the Santa Fe District Court Case of Feb. 26, Lorrie Alvarado [Upset Neighbor] vs. James and Millicent McFarland [Tree-Planting Man and Wife]-Application for a restraining order.

 

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