--2 Eyedropper
         
Jan. 17, 2017

Eyedropper

Cuz jail sux

March 3, 2009, 12:00 am
By Rani Molla

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”


Super Secret Undercover Agent Dave Maass had his first trip to Albuquerque on the Rail Runner marred by this sign. But instead of submitting to the myriad and readily available criticisms, I'll pay homage to this beautiful spring morning and offer suggestions on how to make this sign even better!





  • First things first, change "sucks" to "sux." We want continuity with "cuz."

  • Why stop with quotes around "Cuz Jail Sucks"? Insert quotes around "New" and "Bonding" for added fun.

  • When I go to jail, the last thing I want to be reminded of is the institution in which I'm stuck. Therefore, when I go to get bail money, I'd prefer to dial something a little more escapist, say 243-FUNZ or MAD-FUNZ.

  • There's one thing that I'd like everyone in jail whom I'm trying to make respect me to know: I'm a baller. So, when Lady Beast and D-Block are standing behind me and breathing down my neck while I make my bail bond phone call, I'd like them to know that 243-FUNZ is renowned for its 24% bail bonds.

  • So that there is no way Lady Beast and D-Block could ever forget the information on this sign, it should probably be hot pink. Flames around the edges are nice too.

 

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