Someone should write a Nancy Drew book about our office. Actually, given the theme of this week’s issue, let’s go with the Hardy Boys. The point is, there’s a thief on the loose.

A sexual encounter that doesn’t involve penetration is often overlooked and underappreciated. But then again, most people haven’t heard of The Communion of the Human Lasagna.

Shall I compare thee to a lover who has been with his or her beloved for nearly seven years, when the supposed “itch” strikes?

During passionate lovemaking, according to the Kama Sutra, “Animal sounds may also be used like those of the cuckoo, the parrot, the dove, the green pigeon, the flamingo, the sparrow, the goose or even the bee.”

Masturbation is an underwhelming part of a man’s daily routine, similar to ordering fast food or playing solitaire. But some are capable of making it an art form.

Living up to its nickname, finding hot man-on-man action in Santa Fe is, well…dipherent.

“When a man enjoys many women together, it is called ‘congress of a herd of cows.’”

On a recent jaunt through the Kama Sutra, I stumbled on a passage titled “Twining of a Creeper.” I fell in love with the name immediately. It brought my sister to mind.

For this year’s Love & Sex issue, SFR considered hiring actual people to have sex with each other, but then realized that—bendy-arms or not—you can do so much more with dolls, for much less money and a lot less awkwardness.

This is surprising, in a way, because Santa Fe is the type of place where people can smoke pot under the bridge, and everyone who smells it just smiles and keeps walking. Maybe you can’t put a satellite dish on your house in a historic district, but otherwise, people are pretty accepting. So why don’t we talk more about sex?