There are totally archetypes at play when it comes to band members. Oh, I know that y’all like to think that each and every one of you is some kind of unique musical flower that blooms but once a lifetime and was plucked from deep within a subterranean cavern that took four months and the lives of several explorers to reach. But you’re not, and I can prove it.
Take this quiz to determine what kind of band member you are and reel in reaction to how true it all is:
You’ve got a show coming up and it’s time to practice. You...
A) Pretend you forgot and get back to packing the bong.
B) Call your bandmates and leave passive-aggressive messages like, “If you’re busy, I totally get it. I just…I guess I thought you cared about this band.”
C) Sit quietly and wait for the rest of these jerks to work it out.
The crowd is smaller than you’d like. You...
A) Forget what you were supposed to be playing, but whatever you’re doing now is close enough.
B) Sulk and frown and blame everyone but your shitty band for the low numbers.
C) Rock out as hard as you can.
You’ve been recording for weeks, and today’s the day you hear the rough cuts assembled and ready to be shipped off for mastering. You...
A) Say it sounds good to you. Not perfect, but you don’t have the wherewithal to go back and fix anything.
B) Hate how it sounds and secretly (or not so secretly) want to scrap the whole thing and start over.
C) Just sort of agree with whomever is the loudest…your parts were spot-on.
Your fans have been asking for T-shirts and you’re finally making them. You..
A) Ask why you have to be here for this because “art” really isn’t your thing.
B) Spend way too much time picking apart the design some dude made for you at an insanely reduced rate because you
went to school together or something.
C) Learn how to fucking silk-screen already because now you can do it forever.
Touring might be wise. You...
A) Look into the marijuana laws of different states and silently wonder what the hell “routing” means.
B) Get in the faces of a bajillion venues and then get extra bitchy with said venues for not responding yet, even though you only sent out the request like, 10 minutes ago.
C) Let everyone know you’ve totally got a cousin in Delaware and that you can sleep on his floor.
You get a less-than-favorable review from a super handsome critic in the local paper. You...
A) Say you don’t read that thing—you totally do—so it’s no big deal.
B) Huff and puff and break out your angriest pen/bitchiest Facebook posts to take this guy to task. Nobody talks that way about your band!
C) Take the criticism in stride and consider it another tile in the rich tapestry that is your burgeoning music career.
Your town has minimal opportunities for musicians. You...
A) Show up and play when your bandmates ask, but making calls yourself and working to change stuff is hard.
B) Tell city officials that it’s all their fault.
C) Play when you can, don’t when you can’t and act pretty nice toward anyone who runs a venue.
You’ve grown tired of the older stuff, and fans have been noticeably ready for new material. You...
A) Make a tired joke about “Free Bird” and
don’t notice how everyone rolls their eyes.
B) Whip out a guitar, a pencil and a legal pad
C) You’re scared to let your bandmates know
you also write songs because they’ll probably
kick you out.