Need for Speed is a movie in need of two reviews. In fact, I read somewhere that its original title was Need for Speed: Judge Us On Our Merits, Not On Yours. And I either made that original title, up or the movie is so subversive it planted that title in my head. But whatever. This movie needs to be viewed by two critics with dichotomous sets of criteria.
The rational critic says, “This movie sucks. It’s self-serious and full of shit and the stunts ignore physics. I DEFY anyone to take it seriously or to like it. It’s stupid!”
The whatever critic replies, “Yes, it’s stupid! Of course it’s stupid! The movie is based on a goddamn video game! Why do you think each character, especially the heroine, is made of cardboard and glued together from other, better characters in other, better movies? The purpose of Need for Speed is to drive and watch shit blow up!”
“I can’t be that forgiving,” says the rational critic.
“I’m sorry,” says the whatever critic. “But if you take this movie too seriously, your head will explode. Make a choice. Live in its world or live in yours. You can’t live in both and enjoy it.”
NEED FOR SPEED (OR BARFBAGS)
Directed by Scott Waugh
With Aaron Paul, Imogen Poots and Michael Keaton…like that matters
Regal Santa Fe Stadium 14