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Home / Articles / News / 40th Anniversary /  Tainted Love: On the prowl with The Bachelor
40th Vertical
February 11, 1998; Vol. 24, No. 34

Tainted Love: On the prowl with The Bachelor

February 12, 2014, 12:00 am

The Bachelor’s pad is just that. He lives in a one-bedroom westside casita with pale pink stucco and a punching bag hanging from the entry way.

The main piece of furniture is the bed. Black and white tiles line the kitchen, numerous candles that have burned into many early mornings decorate a small brown table. The Bachelor’s kitten swats at the dead candles. She’s named Wanda, after Faye Dunaway’s character in Barfly. The lone chair in the apartment is filled with numerous pairs of large black shoes and boots...

The refrigerator contains Devil Dogs, pickles, an uncovered pot of spaghetti and various jars. “Condiments,” the Bachelor says. “As long as you have condiments you can make stuff.” He then proceeds to explain the way in which he has used the principles of feng shui in his apartment and pretends to count the “lay-lines” across the bed leading to his “power center.” Next to the bed is a bookshelf stocked with Charles Bukowski and Aleister Crowley.

I am here for a reason. The Bachelor, aka Marius Gustaitis, is going on a date. And I’m going with him. Well, actually I’m taking him there. The traditional “boy picks up girl” plan has been abandoned because the Bachelor’s car has no brakes and his date lives at the top of a steep hill—a situation that pro vides an apt metaphor for the evening about to unfold. My role this evening will be that of reporter, observer, voyeur. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I will watch the Bachelor in his element, on the make.

The Bachelor has been set up with a woman I know, whom I will refer to as “N.” (She’s Nadine Shea.) They’ve met a few times, have a rapport of sorts, but this will be their first date. First dates can be awkward, especially when the potential lovers are followed everywhere by a reporter and a photographer.

The Bachelor and I arrive just a few minutes before N makes her entrance into the Cowgirl Hall of Fame. She is what used to be called a “blonde bombshell,” and shows up wearing a black dress, blue tights and a gray jacket. Her one-inch heels bring her up to an impressive six feet tall. The Bachelor is wearing black pants and a tweedish-looking jacket. “He looks great,” N said. “He always looks very dapper.”

The Bachelor and N don’t waste any time on small talk. The Bachelor begins expounding on the benefits of “cultivating a good lesbian friend.” The idea, he says, is that women become interested because they see he’s with someone and are relieved when they find out she’s a lesbian, “or my sister,” he says.

“Then they fall down on their knees and praise Jesus, right?” N says.

“Exactly,” the Bachelor says.

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This year marks SFR’s 40th anniversary. Celebrate with us by reading excerpts of stories that have graced our pages through the years. Catch up with the Bachelor's adventures here.

 

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