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Home / Articles / Santa Fe Guides / Love & Sex /  Pretty Slick
 Alex Pretty Slick

Pretty Slick

Make orifices thank you now. Ask me how!

February 12, 2014, 12:00 am

Some years ago, the Jiffy Lube on Cerrillos Road had taken to arranging “clever” statements on its sign, based on songs and movies. And while “The Fantastic Lube” and “King Lube” (Fantastic Four and King Kong respectively) shined with efficacy, the day the words, “If Lubin’ You is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right” appeared proved a major turning point in the lives of anyone who likes laughing and having sex. The oil change place had unwittingly given out some pretty solid sex advice and accidentally brought up an excellent point—lube is awesome! Yeah, Jiffy Lube is about cars, but whether it’s cars or orifices, my friends, wetness is the way to go.

Hunter Riley, manager of ABQ’s Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center and SFR sex columnist says there are basically three types of lube: silicone, water-based and oil-based. She warns that oil-based lubes can provide tricky results when practicing safe sex as they will break down condom and dental dam materials, but those who aren’t using such precautions may be into trying olive or coconut oil depending on a person’s unique physiological reactions. Silicone-based lube is mainly a condom thing in that it lasts longer, but it unfortunately won’t absorb into the skin as well other options. Lastly, there’s the water-based stuff, which is easier to clean and, according to a 2011 study by the World Health Organization, reduces the rate of condom breakage from 21.4 percent to 3 percent.

Riley cautions those searching for a good water-based lube to look into the glycerin content. “Glycerin can make lube feel really sticky and tacky and can cause yeast infections [because] the natural flora and fauna of the vagina will process glycerin like sugar,” she says. Riley stresses that choosing a glycerin-free lube is a wise move and that, “the vaginas in your life will thank you.”

Do note that some of the bigger names like KY or Astroglide utilize glycerin but, again, Lube-Search ’14 is a great opportunity to spice things up and experiment. It’s also worth noting that everybody reacts differently to different ingredients, and a trip to the ER about a decade ago alongside a girlfriend who had an allergic reaction to KY was about the most awkward night of my life, so do your research!

In the spirit of preparedness, a quick trip to adult product shop Arcade News (2821 Cerrillos Road) proved that there are so many brands and styles that picking the one can be daunting. According to the clerk who (understandably) asked to remain anonymous, customers of all ages and creeds tend to pick up the water-based lube above others. “It’s a matter of preference, but we sell plenty of lube and that seems to be the most popular since it doesn’t feel weird on the skin,” he says. He points to brands like Wet, Liquid Silk and JO H20 as best sellers. Dual lube/massage oil products also abound, but the clerk points out that each exists independently, and that mixing and matching is a better way for all parties to leave satisfied.

But what if you don’t want to be seen pulling into the porn store parking lot because you were raised to feel ashamed of your boners?

Until recently, we would have recommended classing it up at Au Boudoir, but the lingerie/sex toy shop closed a little while back (who knew?). Places like Walmart and Walgreens do indeed carry lube, but if this one time I picked some up for an exceptionally awesome farewell from Los Angeles was any indication, employees of these establishments will giggle and ask about your plans…which is weird as all hell.

Believe it or not, Amazon has a pretty vast selection of sex items. I suppose it just comes down to immediacy and what you do or don’t have in your pantry. Either way, we can all learn a valuable lesson here, which is that lube is pretty sweet.

There’s a great big world of sex out there just waiting to be had, so ditching preconceived ideas about sexual ability seems a first great step on the road to having a great time.

Plus, just about everyone looks good all shiny and wet.


 

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