1PROPOSED HORSE SLAUGHTER PLANT BLOCKED BY FEDERAL LAW
Thank you US Senate and the House of Representatives for the neigh vote.
2NM RANKS NO. 27 ON GLOBAL MARKETING FIRM’S MOST MILLIONAIRES PER CAPITA LIST
Forrest Fenn promises we’ll break top 10 once his treasure is unearthed.
3ON THE FLIP SIDE, WE’RE NO. 1 IN A REPORT PUBLISHED IN THE WASHINGTON POST!
Oh, never mind, it’s for stagnant population growth (insert Debbie Downer trombone here).
4COMEDIAN AZIZ ANSARI CANCELS SANTA FE APPEARANCE
A moment of silence for all the new food nicknames lost.
5POLITICAL COMMITTEE PUSHING FOR A FULL-TIME MAYOR AIMS “TO SECURE A BETTER FUTURE FOR ALL SANTA FEANS”
Grassroots campaigns, “Horse meat for all” and “New Mexicans for better spots on lists” follow.
6MAISIE WILLIAMS APPEARANCE AT THE JEAN COCTEAU CINEMA DRAWS RECORD CROWD
There’s only one way you can top this, George: live dragons.
7LOCAL RESIDENT JENNIFER MCCARTHY ACCUSED OF WHIPPING OUT GUN FROM HER PRIVATES AND ASSAULTING BOYFRIEND AFTER ARGUING OVER SPACE ALIENS
Or as we call it here at SFR, Friday.