Someone should write a Nancy Drew book about our office. Actually, given the theme of this week’s issue, let’s go with the Hardy Boys.
The point is, there’s a thief on the loose.
“I hate to send this but it seems we have a food thief amongst us,” Sabah wrote just after lunch one afternoon in January. “Anna’s cottage cheese was stolen. My half burrito from Tia Sophia’s was stolen. Not to mention my full bottle of Sirachi (excuse the fact that I don’t know how to spell it).”
“For the record,” Joey replied, reporterishly, “the Sriracha bottle by my desk is mine cause the last one in the fridge mysteriously disappeared.” He continued (suggestively?), “but y’all can have some if you want.”
Opting instead for the milder flavor of Robert’s lasagna, we declined. But the thievery continued: Old pizza went missing, along with a bag of Ohori’s coffee (seriously, who would steal coffee from a newspaper?!).
“OK, this is getting pretty weird,” wrote Enrique a few days later. “Someone stole my athletes foot spray. This isn’t right! It was a brand-new Lotrimin ‘powder finish’ can.”
Leaving the subject of Enrique’s foot fungus alone, we watched and waited. Friends turned on friends. Accusations flew.
But then came the coup de grâce: Our copy of the Kama Sutra vanished into thin air.
That’s right—the glossy, hard-bound (would you have it any other way?) encyclopedia of sexual adventure disappeared from right under our noses. Worse, it was supposed to be our inspiration for this year’s Love & Sex issue. At first, we panicked. But then we innovated.
Instead of sticking to the tried-and-true kisses and congresses of that Indian classic, we envisioned our own creations, offering new and exciting insights that extend beyond the Sutra’s timeless wisdom. As a result, we hope you’ll be emboldened and inspired to try new sexcapades, including Santa Fe’s annual Herd of Cows Congress. And if you’re the lowlife who stole our book, our cottage cheese, our pizza, our half-burrito and our Lotrimin—well, we hope you’re having one crazy, cheesy, fungus-free orgy.