‘Tis the
ghoulish season when ladies get to dress up as a slutty version of Marvin the
Martian (yes,
really) or a whorish just-about-everything-else, and men get to cover
down to the ankles and gawk away.
Hail Satan,
Halloween is here! And with it the opportunity to avoid those costume clichés
(I see you eying that “Adult
Snowy Owl costume”) and join the DIY revolution by creating a uniquely New
Mexican look on the cheap.
Ready? Here we go!

5. Green Chile
Few things
scream out NM like the smell of green chile, so rock this outfit and invite
your friends to whiff away (hands off the stem, you perv!) To complete the local
feel, don this here hat and call yourself "Christmas."

4. Zozobra
Easily
achievable with a white sheet, some wax lips and by borrowing your Nana’s wig
for the night, this costume just screams out Santa Fe. For added effect, walk
around with no Direction (get it?) and stuff yourself with copious amounts of
candy corn (that way, when you get constipated, Zozo’s trademark moaning will
be real).

3. Black Bear
Her presence in town was short, sweet and left a lasting impression. It was that of a 10-year-old lady bear who sprung up near the Plaza over Labor Day weekend making onlookers ooh and ah. Throw in a plaid shirt and some ironic glasses for a memetastic hipster bear look and recite tweets from this account to seal the deal:


2. Hot Air Balloon
Cut the bottom off your laundry basket and hit up that balloon busker dude in the Plaza et voilà! Piss off your Albuquerque friends by picking a spot in the crowded house rager you’ll no doubt attend and just lay there, never taking off. That's cold brother, cold.
Drum-roll, please....

1. Gov. Susana Martinez
Regardless of your political affiliation, you know you love her, so why not pay tribute to her on this day dedicated to demons and excess? What you’ll need: a cerulean power suit, a perfectly coiffed Dutch Boy wig (or just blow up the image to the left, add a couple of holes and a string and call it a day). To complete the illusion, scream out phrases like “Damn it! We're Republican!”; “Answer the question, trick or treat, damn it!” and “Damn it! I said Crunch Bar!” intermittently.
And there you have it. Did we miss anything? Who or what will you be dressing up as this Halloween?
Featured image via. Chile hat via. Wax lips via. Bear costume via. Balloon costume via.







Wow, this was dumb.
Thanks, "Santa Maria"! That's exactly what I was shooting for.