How bad is The Words?

I’d gladly sit through Cosmopolis again than watch this vapid tale populated with bland souls.

Seriously, what were the filmmakers thinking? They certainly didn’t think about the audience.

For a drama to be captivating—or at least passable—it has to have characters that resemble humans. No such luck.

But let’s have some fun and run through the clichés: Bradley Cooper is a struggling writer who lives in a great apartment (1) with Zoë Saldana, his gorgeous wife (2). He comes from a working class background (3). His father has little sympathy for him (4).

He can’t get published (5). While in Paris (6) with his wife, he finds a manuscript in a used valise (7) in an antique store (8).

He reads the book, is enthralled (9) and steals it (10). Success follows (11). The real writer (Jeremy Irons, oddly playing an American) confronts him (12). Worse, Cooper’s story is a story within a story and there’s a story within that, too (!)

Everything happening on screen is from a novel written by Dennis Quaid (he’s terrible; 13), who’s giving a packed reading (14) while sexy-stalked (15) by Olivia Wilde.

Sure, I gave away everything, but this movie is wretched. Skip it.

Regal Santa Fe Stadium 14, PG-13, 97 min.