“This is retail. They should be kissing your feet you’re even here.”
—Woman in customer-service line at Kohl’s.

“I wanna be Jewish!”
Spoken by a breathless teenage girl to her gaggle of friends in the restroom of the James A Little Theater, during intermission of Fiddler on the Roof.
 
“I wish directors would just do the opera and stop jerking off.”
—At the Metropolitan Opera simulcast of Orfeo ed Euridice.