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Home / Articles / Santa Fe Guides / Love & Sex /  Love & Sex 2005: Imaginary Matchmaker

Love & Sex 2005: Imaginary Matchmaker

February 9, 2005, 12:00 am
By
Many long sleepless nights, tearful drunk dials, and Elton John songs have been devoted to the idea of The One. No, not Neo; rather, that Certain Someone who's supposed to be out there for each and every one of us. According to a bevy of relationship experts contacted by SFR that certain someone is more like Just About Anyone. Nearly everyone is capable of having a successful romantic relationship with pretty much anyone else as long as both partners are willing to be educated about what is normal and predictable in any union. Ariel Sharon and Arundhati Roy? France and the United States? As long as they're willing to be open; most happy couples, chuckled the experts, are travelling through life together with at least 10 "irreconcilable differences."

Equipped with the information that both incompatibility and true love are essentially arbitrary, SFR turned to the razor-sharp analysis of lovecalculator.com to determine the fate of would-be match-ups that weren't.

                                                                                         Projection for success:
***image1***
Why does/doesn't it work out? Richardson's continued promotion of New Mexico as a destination for film stars is helped by Hilton's assertion that The Land of Enchantment is, indeed, in the United States.

***image2***
Why does/doesn't it work out? Goodacre spies economic consultant Angelou by the hotel pool and realizes all that is bronze and Greek is not statuary. Angelou decides any woman capable of proving arts and culture really is part of the economy is worth her weight in consultancy fees.

***image3***
Why does/doesn't it work out? Kilmer finally admits, due to Goodman's monotonous repetition of the same question, that he'd prefer his democracy later.

***image4***
Why does/doesn't it work out? The senior Republican senator falls in love with Law's depiction of the perfect male specimen in Gattaca and proposes a genetic screening law named after him. Law returns the admiration because, after all, he doesn't have to live here.

***image5***
Why does/doesn't it work out? The outspoken feminist artist and the hawkish Secretary of Defense accept their radically different views on how to position China and admit love really is blind.

***image6***
Why does/doesn't it work out? Relations wear thin when the spectral painter suggests the cartoon change his name to SpongeBob SuggestivelyFeminineFormPants.

***image7***
Why does/doesn't it work out? A Rhodes Scholar, Wilson demands that Lannan include her in the Readings and Conversation series. Lannan complies, but pairs her with a Zapatista poet who, via translator, takes Wilson hostage in the Lensic.

***image8***
Why does/doesn't it work out? Just because two people mysteriously disappear doesn't, apparently, mean they've done it together.

 

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