7 Days

12.07.16

1

ARMY CORPS DENIES DAKOTA ACCESS PIPELINE

Water protectors can totally trust the government and go home now.

2

MONTE DEL SOL CHARTER SCHOOL BANS CELLPHONES IN THE CLASSROOM

Good plan. Y'know, assuming the kids don't die or anything.

3

DOWNTOWN MERCHANTS WON'T CHIP IN TO SUBSIDIZE FREE DOWNTOWN SATURDAY PARKING AT CHRISTMASTIME THIS YEAR

After all, who can even afford it anymore?

4

NETFLIX ADDS OFFLINE MODE

Well, great. There goes the last scrap of our social lives.

5

TRUMP SAYS NEW POTUS PLANES ARE TOO SPENDY

But how will he visit Pakistan now?

6

RAILYARD BANKRUPTCY TRUSTEE SQUASHES BOWLING ALLEY LEASE

Another chapter in the worst book we have ever read.

7

US EMPLOYMENT RATE DROPS TO 4.6 PERCENT

Think of it like the eye of the coming shit-storm.

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