STATE ACCIDENTALLY GAVE $40K TO THE WRONG FILM FESTIVAL LAST YEAR
A good argument for maybe coming up with a name that’s different than the competition.
LAS VEGAS MAN ARRESTED FOR CANDY STORE HEIST
And that’s why they call him the leader of the pack (vroom! vroom!).
SFPD TO RECEIVE ADDITIONAL MARIJUANA CITATION TRAINING
Because “lowest law enforcement priority” is too hard to understand.
FLORENCE HENDERSON DEAD AT 82
This year just keeps on taking and taking!
FIDEL CASTRO ALSO DEAD AT 90
We’re more partial to Mrs. Brady since she wasn’t, like, imprisoning gay people or anything.
THIS JUST IN: MANNEQUIN CHALLENGE ISN’T ACTUALLY ANYTHING
But way to stand perfectly still, everyone—you’re really doing important work.
SNOW ACCUMULATES ON CITY STREETS FOR FIRST TIME THIS WINTER
Santa Feans can’t decide whether to drive 18 or 81 mph.