Big Shots at the Capitol

Carrying rounds into the Roundhouse

This fanciful bit of marital dialogue serves to remind my readers that we live in a state where it is perfectly legal to go visit your representative at the Roundhouse with a gun swinging from your hip. Or, if you’re more demure, you may show up with your weapon concealed. Makes no difference to us, we’re an equal opportunity state.

What could go wrong with allowing visitors to be lethally armed in a building where, by definition, about half of the people are going to be disappointed or disgruntled at any given time?

What prompted me to write about this right now wasn't the mindless insanity of letting paranoid gunslingers bring firearms into our seat of power. Rather, it was some changes that have been suggested to address this issue. More on that in just a minute.

New Mexico's gun policy is more complex than you might think. It doesn't just pit sane, well-adjusted citizens against knuckle-dragging supporters of the Worst Amendment.

The reason some lawmakers are reluctant to ban guns at the Capitol is that they would then be vulnerable to charges that they have chosen to protect themselves on the job, while doing nothing to protect their constituents elsewhere. Even some progressive politicians are loath to grant themselves this extra-special protection.

The question I have about allowing guns in the Roundhouse is, why would intelligent, prudent, level-headed people need to … never mind, I think I just answered my own question.

My column today was inspired by a KOAT online story I read recently about some legislators talking about the subject. According to the article, "Lawmakers said they're in favor of adding metal detectors at Roundhouse entrances so they'd at least know who's walking in with guns."

Hey, stop laughing! That's your brilliant idea, huh? Folks would still be able to prowl the Capitol bristling with enough firepower for the Gunfight at the OK Corral, but first they would have to be scanned? All the inconvenience, without any of the actual safety!

I don't get what this achieves. Is the idea that when the security dudes hear gunshots ring out in the Senate gallery, at least they won't be surprised? They'll know exactly how many shots to listen for?

Picture this scene:

"Sir, would you please go back through the metal detector again for me?"

"Go back through? But you can SEE I'm carrying a .44 Magnum! What is there to detect? Just look at these bullets in my Poncho Villa bandolier! I'm an embittered, walking death machine!"

"Please just cooperate with our exercise in pointlessness, sir. We're with the state government."

But look, I do want to be reasonable about this, for any gun nuts, I mean enthusiasts, who may be reading my column. Fair is fair. Even though I personally oppose private citizens walking around armed at the Capitol, I propose a compromise.

Here it is. If you want to bring a concealed weapon into the Roundhouse, there is one very specific orifice in your body where you may conceal it, with my blessing. I can't promise it will be very comfortable.

And not to be indelicate or anything, but be sure to bring along plenty of lubricant. The taxpayers sure as hell aren't going to supply it for you.

Robert Basler’s humor column runs twice monthly in SFR. Email the author: bluecorn@sfreporter.com


Letters to the Editor

Mail letters to PO Box 4910 Santa Fe, NM 87502 or email them to editor[at]sfreporter.com. Letters (no more than 200 words) should refer to specific articles in the Reporter. Letters will be edited for space and clarity.

We also welcome you to follow SFR on social media (on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter) and comment there. You can also email specific staff members from our contact page.