Dear Weezer,

There was a time when we couldn't turn on the radio without hearing "Buddy Holly" or "Say It Ain't So." This was great for everyone. It's like you made it your personal mission to prove nerdiness is ok. Everyone I knew bought

The Blue Album

and everybody I knew loved it. Throngs of pre-teens and teens alike fell in love with your deceptively simple sound. We sat in our rooms, and learned how to play your songs, but learned that the guitar solos were actually very complex. We felt you, Rivers Cuomo. We understood that someone had hurt you, and you were feeling alone. Though the album was very poppy, it was sad and interesting. Wonderful.

I waited and waited for another release, and the day

Pinkerton

came out I went to buy it. Oh. My. God. That album came out 200 years ago, and it still holds its place on my top 5 albums ever made. Whereas on your debut you seemed hurt, Rivers, your sophmore release was downright dark and tortured. The opening track, "Tired of Sex" was a biting attack on empty fame fueled fucking. Brilliant. "Falling For You" gave us geeks the courage to express love to girls through the all-important mixtape(back when you would actually make it on a cassette). And as for "Butterfly"? Well...there's been a point in everybody's life when they were sorry for what they did, and did what their body told them to.

The years went by, and we all thirsted for another album. So what did you do? You extended a hearty "Fuck off!" to us, your adoring fans, with

The Green Album

. What did you do to us?!?!?!? My theory is that after Matt Sharp-the only force that could keep you in check, Rivers Cuomo-was fired, something was lost. He has proven his incredible song writing skills with his amazing band The Rentals, and you never should have let him go. Let's face it, the moment he was out of the band, you turned to shit.

It was around this time that I read an interview in Rolling Stone with Rivers in which he called

Pinkerton

fans "a sick cult". You went on to apologize for the release of the album. This pissed me off further. Not only were you sucking huge, but you started shit talking me for liking you! I was on your side, and was willing to overlook the weird stuff that you do in your personal life. This was the first time that it struck me as odd that someone who wrote such emotional songs would be such a robot.

Maladroit came out after this, and while it wasn't as awful as

The Green Album

, it was still pretty lame. Except for "Keep Fishing". Not a bad song, and the video with the Muppets blew my mind! But then again, I will watch anything with the Muppets. Even Muppet Babies. I believe this was the first album to feature royal douche-burst Scott Shriner on bass. I already expressed my Matt Sharp feelings, but having this clown in your band? If I was a fighting man, I would destroy this sleaze-ass looking chump.

Then came

Make Believe,

and the train-wreck of a song "Beverly Hills." My mom could write a better song, and she's tone-deaf. "Perfect Situation" was so whiny and stupid, and the video made me want to puke. We had a deal:you would make awesome videos, and I would love them. Way to welch out, jerks.

By the time I heard that you would be releasing

The Red Album,

I had pretty much given up hope. Then I heard that a couple of songs were cut from

The Blue Album

and my hope was restored. I heard the first single, "Pork & Beans", and it sounded great. I waited for the day it was to be released, bought it, and could have cried. 3 good songs?!?!?!? Come on, you guys! I read that it was the first time that other members had a chance to write for an album, and all I can say about that is perhaps you should discontinue letting them. The lyrics of "Cold Dark World" sounded like a bad poem written by a 15 year old dealing with the recent divorce of their parents. Vomit. And surprise, surprise...it was written by Scott Shriner. Dump him.

I'd talk about

Alone:The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo

, but I really don't want to count it with the official full-band releases. All I will say is that those songs are incredible.

Look, I want to love you again more than anything, but you NEED TO STOP! At least until you get your shit together and start making decent music again. Bring back Matt Sharp, make Rivers get over himself, and get back to making good music. Jeez.

Your friend and fan,

Alex