Just to show everyone that I don’t hang around looking in a hand mirror thinking I’m hot shit, I decided to give the Santa Fe music community a voice against me. Sort of. I’m sorry to speak for you, friends, it’s just well, I have a column and you don’t, so… Here are the top five annoying things music writers say to local musicians:
I'll totally be at your show!
I actually might not be there, but I've learned that saying I will is met with a more cheerful conversation than if I were to say something like, "I think you suck huge and I'd rather bone Star Jones than watch you sing 'Feel Like Makin' Love' one more fucking time." Anyway, I doubt anyone is anxiously watching the door and thinking, "Why won't he get here!?" If you are, I apologize, and I'll totally be there next time. I mean, we're hitting the winter doldrums here and musical performances will certainly go a long way toward breaking up the monotony. Honorable mention: müShi Trio, you are on my radar super hard because guitarist Ross Hamlin tickles my fancy in all the right ways.
I prefer actual, physical CDs to links.
"But Alex," you're thinking. "Links are so much easier than putting something in the mail or swinging by the SFR office! It's easier for us and you!" You're totally right, but just to give you some insight into the process, there are certain things about actual albums I'm looking for. With iTunes being what it is and this era of singles we seem to be celebrating, I like to experience an album as a whole. The art of flow seems to have been lost in little pieces as downloads and streaming become the norm. Maybe it's old-fashioned, but I like to see how a body of work fits together. I, like, listen while driving or writing other stuff (sans headphones) so as to slowly digest the music before I get into paying the serious attention I know you all deserve. To summarize, that Alex dude should be glad he gets sent anything at all, though—physical, digital or otherwise.
Bands in Santa Fe Play Too Much!
In my mind, musicians who act like Santa Fe owes them support and attention are like an actor being angry because the people of Hollywood haven't made them into an Oscar-winning thespian. There's a fine line between enthusiasm and acting entitled, but at the same time I try to understand that this is your livelihood, your life; the way you feed your children and pay your bills. Let's just blame the city for not subsidizing bars and musicians thereby forcing you into a form of constant musical servitude and creating personal friction between us. In reality, I love you girl.
These Photos Are Too Small!
When SFR goes to print and the only photographic evidence that your band exists is a pic taken on your '90s Nokia flip phone, we freak. Yes, it looks just fine on your computer screen but—get this—printing it onto paper requires a larger size than that.
Sometimes it seems like this never-ending dance between us is just me trying to make your life hard, but if y'all promise to at least start using the HD functionality on your iPhones, I'll introduce you to some cool local photographers. Just off the top of my head, I can tell you that Jennifer Esperanza and Coad Miller take phenomenal photos of local music talent. Think on that.
Your music is the culmination of years of lessons, practice, friendships, bleeding fingers, sore joints, album purchases, ATM overdraws, hangovers, T-shirt designs, arguments with labels and producers, discovering what guitar pick size or drum sticks work for you, sleepless nights, ruined relationships and broken dreams. There's just no way anyone could fathom what you've been through to get here or what you're capable of. This is true, and I get it. Too bad you still suck, too.