I am the undisputed king of karaoke. Ask anyone.

When I get really pumped while I sing “Welcome to the Jungle,” people are transfixed. I am the only person in town allowed to sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” and strangers buy me drinks almost every time. Now, some of the karaoke regulars might disagree, but they don’t get the chance to announce this in print. Sorry, guys. I still love you.

I’ve been a regular at Cowgirl karaoke since day one. I would go so far as to say that it’s my favorite night of the week when it comes to going out. One of the biggest reasons I think it’s a success is the host, Michelle. I’ve known her for years and what she brings to karaoke is amazing. She’s not one of these hosts who insists on playing some awful rap song between every singer, nor does she sing every two seconds. Although, on the occasion that she does get up to belt one out, everyone is blown away by her amazing voice.

If you go out to the Cowgirl on Mondays, then you know it’s usually packed. The lure of three minutes of rock-stardom gets us there, and then we say, “No way! $3 pint specials?!?!?”

We all know that the bar is comfortable and inviting. It’s one of the only places on earth that I don’t mind feeling cramped while I wait for my beer. The vibe is always pleasant and the clientele, as well as the employees, are friendly and laid-back. Almost any night of the week is a great time at the Cowgirl, but—and excuse me for editorializing—Monday is by far the most fun.

Alex’s Karaoke Kommandments
 1.  Just because you like a song does not mean it will be a good karaoke jam.
Case in point: I began my karaoke evening with “True” by Spandau Ballet. This is a great song, but perhaps a little too slow. Nobody was feeling it. It’s cool though, because you have to learn what works.

 2.  Enough with Journey, already!
Yes, we all know that you think you’re a genius for memorizing “Don’t Stop Believing,” but you’re not…and enough is enough.

 3.  If you can’t sing it, sell it.
Many people, myself included, really enjoy the less-than-classically-trained singers at karaoke. However, should you think it’s an awesome idea to impress your backwards-hat frat brothers, don’t just stand there mumbling. You’re a bad singer, and we don’t mind, so get us pumped! And sorry, but Garth Brooks’ “Friends In Low Places” no longer impresses anyone. Except jerks.

 4.  If you are a trained singer, leave it to the rest of us.
Ella Fitzgerald is great and all, but we came to drink too much and dick around. This isn’t Star Search. (See Kommandment No. 1.)

 5.  Don’t mess with the karaoke host!
They’ve got enough to deal with, and you only signed up four minutes ago. There are a lot of people waiting to sing. When it’s your turn you will be called. Jeez.

The New Mexico Karaoke Championship
8 pm Thursday, March 5

The Pub & Grill at Santa Fe Brewing Company

37 Fire Place

Cowgirl Karaoke
8 pmMonday, March 9
No Cover

The Cowgirl
319 S. Guadalupe St.