Are you paying attention? Good. Because we’re T minus zero seconds until Santa Fe kicks into hyper-drive and the goings-on escalate from depressing beers in empty bars to almost too much to handle. It can be confusing. It can be scary. It can be … done. Indeed, we are here to help with this nifty guide to don’t-miss events for all types of people from the party-monstering-est party monster to the monocle-sporting-est stuffy weirdo among you. Plan well, and go forth.

Meat Puppets

June 3

Somebody get AMP Concerts a present, because this free show with the legendary rock trio Meat Puppets is so hot, you'll swear you're someplace in a lake of fire rather than the Railyard. Boom—Meat Puppets jokes. Anyway, it's been years since they last came to town, and you'll wanna see this. I mean, they're basically the only good thing to ever come from Arizona.

Currents New Media

June 9-25

YES! This might be our favorite event of the year, thanks in part to much of it being free. Of course, there's all the incredible multimedia (and often interactive) art from around the world, the music and the hangin'-out in the Railyard/El Museo Cultural de Santa Fe, which we also love. Los Angeles prog-rock duo El Ten Eleven is scheduled to perform for free on June 10 this year, alongside some crazy video installation, so you'll probably have to go every night. Pop by currentsnewmedia.org for more info.

Santa Fe Bandstand

July 5-Aug. 25

One guy named Michael Delheim puts this entire summertime fest together each year through nonprofit organization Outside In, which seeks to bring music to the incarcerated and the homebound. With nearly 100 performances from almost all genres (sorry, death metal fans) taking over the Plaza, there's something for everyone. Direct your computers and/or phones to santafebandstand.org for up-to-date information.

International Folk Art Market

July 14-16

Legend has it the very best folk art vendors from all those folky countries everyone loves have never come together on such a grand scale as this celebration on Museum Hill! And while that might not be true (I mean, c'mon, who knows about every single folk art market on the planet?), this one's a biggie and Santa Fe loves it. Stock up, buy a one-of-a-kind piece or even just peruse the fantastically creative wares. It's cool and we love it. Head to folkartalliance.org to start planning.

Traditional Spanish Market

July 24-30

At one of the biggest events of the year, Spanish art, music and food explodes into an amalgam of awesome on and around the Plaza. You just know they'll have killer food vendors and gorgeous traditional and contemporary creations in countless styles and mediums, too (we like the stuff the kids make). Think about what retablos or paintings you might like to own before you visit spanishcolonial.org.

SFR's Best of Santa Fe 2017 Party

July 28

No big, just the largest collection of local favorites as voted on by SFR readers plus the glorious return of The Gluey Brothers in the Railyard. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Type sfreporter.com into your browser now.

Contemporary Hispanic Market

July 29 and 30

These artists shirk tradition in favor of going absolutely bonkers in more mediums than one could shake a stick at. What?! Sold! So many details exist and are readily findable by directing your mouse toward contemporaryhispanicmarketinc.com.

We Are the Seeds

August 17-19

Sadly, the Indigenous Fine Art Market is no more, but in its place comes We Are the Seeds, another glorious three-day art-a-thon organized by former IFAM and Indian Market people—all of whom are badass women. This is the Indigenous art market they deserve and, frankly, we kind of deserve it, too. You know it's in the Railyard (like almost everything suddenly) and you know there's more info to be found at wearetheseedsart.com.

Santa Fe Indian Market

August 19 and 20

Literally hundreds upon hundreds of vendors take over the Plaza and surrounding streets to showcase their wares in countless mediums and from countless schools of artistic thought. Ever wanted to pick up a contemporary painting and a traditional sculpture in the same day? Now you can. All the good news is at swaia.org.

Zozobra

September 1

Now that Zozo is back on Friday after years of toiling on a dumb Thursday, meet us at second base at Fort Marcy and revel in this bizarre pagan ritual meant to cleanse everyone's doom and gloom. We're not saying you should smoke weed and get trashed, but we won't be surprised if you do. Plot your revenge at burnzozobra.com.

Santa Fe PrideLuke Montavon
Santa Fe PrideLuke Montavon

Santa Fe Pride

September 15-17

We know there's still a long way to go, but hot damn do we love hitting the Plaza with our LGBTQ+ comrades for live music, vendor booths, food trucks and the common and very human understanding that someone's sexuality is absolutely not our place to police, threaten or otherwise malign. Plus, you're gonna see some outfits, child. Swing by santafehra.org for more.

Aha Festival of Progressive Arts

September 17

The After Hours Alliance boasts one of the largest and most anticipated arts and music fests around with dozens of artists booths and two music stages spanning the whole Railyard. This year's fest is spread out across a few months, but this particular jam remains a stellar one day affair. Get the sweet lowdown at ahafestival.com.