The panty party goes co-ed.
Just call them G-Spot missionaries. They're willing to take risks and travel far, into your home if need be, in order to spread the word-or just talk a little dirty.
Over the past year, since "panty parties" were chronicled in these pages [Love & Sex, Feb. 11, 2004: "Good Vibes"], the throwing
of home parties, whether they be "sensual" parties, "x-rated" parties, or just plain old "fuckerware" parties, as they have been colloquially referred to, has multiplied.
Some parties are even co-ed.
Like dildos, the parties come in a lot of shapes and sizes. They range from sensual and civilized to bawdy and rowdy; from bath salts and scented candles to anal lubes and leather strap-ons. But whatever the type, the central theme nowadays is education.
"My biggest challenge was that men always thought this stuff was to replace them. That's why I wanted to make them as co-ed as possible, to make the foreplay last as long as possible," says Amanda Delgado, consultant and resident party organizer at Santa Fe's only sex and romance store, au boudoir. "I'm basically providing education."
Deborah Sundahl, longtime sexologist and author of
Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot
, perceives the same movement.
"Couples are the trend now," says Sundahl, "It's not just women alone with their vibrators anymore, like in the '80s and '90s-that sort of feminist thing. We've got a whole
new generation that's grown up with new information, and they want their men involved."
Delgado and Sundahl have been working with au boudoir owner Elizabeth Brecheisen for about a month now, offering custom home parties that give women, men, or both, the chance to examine and purchase some of au boudoir's products in an intimate setting. Anyone who would like to throw a party (the "hostess," or "host"), can choose the tone and the specific products, tailored to the group. Giving a party is free and, depending on how much the au boudoir "consultant" sells at the party, the host may receive a voucher for even more love products.
And Brecheisen's is a pretty classy operation; it's a far cry from the dark arcade-type sex shop of old. Tastefully lit and sweet smelling, the year-old au boudoir, with a comfortingly clandestine entrance off of Agua Fria, is truly a love emporium for the 21st century. Among many other romantic concoctions and kinky toys, there are state-of-the-art German vibrators (Fun Factory, around $59), a cornucopia of natural and organic creams and lubricants and, for the truly adventurous, a complex contraption called a loveswing ($380 with stand, $180 without), which if you've ever seen Sex and the City , you might know how to use.
But that's not all; in keeping with both the educational trend and the easy ambiance, sexy/helpful books fill the shelves, erotic art adorns the wall, and beginning with "Sex Toys for Valentine's
Day" (6 pm Thursday, Feb. 10), au boudoir will host workshops on just about everything kinky-erotic poetry readings, how to talk about your fantasies, and yes, a model doing belly dancing.
The result is beyond skimpy lingerie- it's dialogue, it's a sort of sex salon. Sundahl loves it. "Men and women are talking. Everybody's learning. This is a good thing!" And there's more of it. Au boudoir is not the only outfit in town. There are some freelancers, too.
Giselle "Tiffany" Gallegos has been doing the party circuit selling sex toys and accessories for Spice it Up parties all over New Mexico for about six months now, and it suits her: "You've got to have the personality, and I have the personality," says Gallegos, adding that people are always surprised by her lack of embarrassment around intimate accouterments. "But, you know, it's my job."
A bookkeeper by day, nighttime business for Gallegos is booming. Wildfire word of mouth, and a dizzying selection of products at a reasonable price, keeps her in parties. Compared to au boudoir, her style is a bit more, uh, brash, but her events are a blast. They're also free, and hosts get goodies. Gallegos does do co-ed parties on occasion, which she enjoys because her husband can come along. Sometimes when both sexes are present, though, her customers tend to "lose focus."
A recent co-ed party of Gallegos', in a duplex up snowy Hyde Park road, witnessed girls animatedly running to the bathroom to sample clit cream and play-buggering each other with strapons, while men in baseball caps guzzled beer, curiously fondled cocksleeves, and chuckled a bit nervously as they looked on. It wasn't exactly the European, salon-atmosphere of au boudoir, but it was girls being kind of naughty with the guys around. A bit regressive, yes, but dialogue nonetheless. And, ahem, a heck of a lot of fun.
Question is, with cyber-sex and silicone butt-plugs on the rise, with ubiquitous Tupperware-type sex toy parties, are we on the cusp of some newfangled, high-tech sexual revolution? Is freewheeling free love, well, back?
Not really. At the core, the idea seems to be saving the love you have.
Muses Delgado,"I don't want to get rich overnight. My whole thing is…I've seen so many divorces in this world." With the parties, "hopefully we've touched people. I would rather have that as a reward than being a millionaire."