“Let’s walk down and look first, before we ask. Let’s be real men.”

—Father to his son on entering Lowe’s

“The more you eat, the more you poop, and I’m tired of you pooping!”

—Mother to daughter in the Walmart parking lot

“I’m giving him a taste of his own passive-aggressive behavior to see if it creates higher awareness of how his methods of confrontation are counterproductive. If that doesn’t work, I’m just not going to call him back anymore.”

—Woman to friend at The Teahouse


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