1. WEAPONS TESTS IN LOS ALAMOS SHAKE SANTA FE
    Where’s our frantic 8 AM emergency alert to find shelter?
  2. FRONT PAGE TNM HEADLINE DECLARES MARTINEZ LEGACY ‘STILL UP IN THE AIR’
    Allow SFR to help:  A power-loving, pizza-partying, social-services-slashing, press-hating politician who’s going out on a criminal justice platform cribbed from the 1980s.
  3. US LEGISLATORS DISAGREE WHETHER TRUMP SAID “SHITHOLE” OR “SHITHOUSE”
    But they unanimously agreed the president is a quote, “shithead.”
  4. BETTER CALL SAUL GETS FOURTH SEASON
    Will anti-wi-fi peeps get vindicated after all? We’re on the edge of our seats.
  5. CASINO BREAKS GROUND NEXT DOOR TO OPERA
    Now every production will feature ringing jackpot bells
  6. TRUCK STOP PROPOSAL MOVES FORWARD
    In protest, opponents plan to continue driving their cars back and forth to the city and buying stuff delivered in trucks.
  7. STUDENT TIED TO SCHOOL SHOOTING LETTER WON’T RETURN TO CLASSES ANYTIME SOON
    Because that’s exactly who you want to have nothing but free time during the day.