1. MEOW WOLF TO OPEN MASSIVE DENVER LOCATION IN 2020
    “Why visit Santa Fe when the Denver one is newer and bigger and in a city that doesn’t shut down at 8:45?” asks every potential tourist.
  2. OPRAH WOWS WITH GOLDEN GLOBES SPEECH
    But do we really want another TV president?
  3. PROPOSED PUBLIC TOILET DOWNTOWN  WOULD BE SAME SIZE AS A PARKING PLACE
    No word yet on estimated user charge per minute.
  4. REPEAT DRUNK DRIVER SCOTT OWEN GETS FIVE-MONTH SENTENCE AFTER RECENT DWI
    Dude. It really should not be this hard.
  5. FLU IS COMING ON ALL HARD
    Our New Year’s resolution to stop licking door handles was well-timed.
  6. SANTA FE MAN BURNS DOWN HIS OWN HOME BECAUSE HE WAS “UPSET AND ANGRY”
    There’s a valuable lesson in there about not burning down your own home because you’re upset and angry.
  7. NORTH KOREAN ATHLETES TO COMPETE AT UPCOMING WINTER OLYMPICS IN SOUTH KOREA
    We look forward to the Disney movie version of this uplifting tale, Rocketmen.