1

HEALTH CARE REFORM DIES AGAIN

God bless those GOP mavericks (and John McCain, too).

2

WE'VE ALL BEEN DRINKING URANIUM!

So far the only superpower we've developed is the ability to piss everyone off with a single sentence, but that might have been a pre-existing condition.

3

SCARAMUCCI OUSTED AFTER JUST 10 DAYS

Beelzebub no longer has (this particular) devil put aside for me (for me, for me).

4

MEDIAN WEEDS ARE APPARENTLY ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS IN SANTA FE

Maybe trigger-happy cops with secret disciplinary records killing the mentally ill might also be a thing?

5

THE GLUEY BROTHERS BLEW EVERYONE'S MINDS AT THE SFR BEST OF SANTA FE PARTY

Seriously. We forgot how to drive, our minds were so blown.

6

MISSING ALBUQUERQUE TORTOISE RETURNED HOME SAFELY

Man, there sure is a lot of tortoise news in New Mexico.

7

SANTA FE RAILYARD BUILDING UP FOR SALE

We know there's an REI in there, but hear us out: What about a bowling alley?