TIGER WOODS ARRESTED FOR DWI IN FLORIDA, CLAIMS IT WAS REACTION TO MEDS
We'd have thought he'd be a better driver;
or He should've stuck with club soda;
or That's rough;
or Hope he doesn't get put in the hole!
KOB-TV NEWSCAST DELAYED DURING ATTEMPTED BREAK-IN
Y'all can just stick to writing us angry letters and commenting online from behind fake names, thanks!
ANGELA MERKEL SAYS EU CAN'T RELY ON THE US ANYMORE UNDER TRUMP
Girl, tell us about it.
FORMER TEACHER ANNOUNCES MAYORAL RUN
She gained notoriety for locking a student in a chain-link enclosure. We, too, favor City Hall cage matches over boring meetings.
BOMB THREAT AT WALMART TURNS UP NOTHING
Other than those low, low prices.
STATE MAY GIVE MEOW WOLF $850K
This just in: Other things also exist!
Manuel NORIEGA DIES
Puppet regime-in' ain't easy when you're known as "Pineapple Face."