1

GEORGE ORWELL'S 1984 TOPS AMAZON'S BESTSELLERS LIST

This just in: US Ministry of Hate to replace Homeland Security.

2

THOUSANDS FLOCK TO AIRPORTS TO PROTEST TRUMP BAN ON US TRAVEL FOR REFUGEE AND MUSLIMS

Tears permanently engraved on the Statue of Liberty.

3

TRUMP FIRES ATTORNEY GENERAL...

Does he realize this isn’t The Apprentice?

4

...AND NAMES WHITE NATIONALIST STEVE BANNON TO THE NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL

Just. Fuck that guy.

5

OPRAH TO JOIN 60 MINUTES AS COMMENTATOR

Oh O, America needs you now more than ever.

6

JAMBO IS EXPANDING TO ALBUQUERQUE

This goat stew brought to you by sane immigration policies.

7

MEOW WOLF SET TO REOPEN

Because when you're feeling totally bummed about the future of the free world, the laser harp will help.