1

REPUBLICAN EXODUS FROM TRUMP FOLLOWING TAPE RELEASE

Really? There weren't enough straws on the camel's back already?

2

THEN, MELANIA TRUMP WEARS $1,100 GUCCI "PUSSY-BOW" BLOUSE TO DEBATE

Yes, that's true. No, we don't really have (or need) a joke.

3

SUSANA WON'T ENDORSE TRUMP

But she still won't say who she's voting for.

4

REPORT ON DATA CENTERS SAYS THEY CAN HURT MORE THAN HELP

We're shocked, shocked to see that corporations stand to gain!

5

CLOWN fearS HAVE ARRIVED IN SANTA FE

Because we know you're tired of Trump jokes.

6

RAILYARD BOWLING ALLEY BROS SAY IT'S REALLY GONNA OPEN THIS TIME

Speaking of clowns ...

7

OBAMA WANTS TO SEND HUMANS TO MARS BY 2030

After this election cycle, we want to know where to sign up.