1

GARY JOHNSON CAN'T NAME A SINGLE FOREIGN LEADER

It's not an "Aleppo moment," Gary—Aleppo is tragic. You're just an airhead.

2

45th ANNUAL BALLOON FIESTA TAKES OVER ALBUQUERQUE

Nothing says family fun like standing in a freezing field at the crack of dawn.

3

TRUMP URGES AMERICA TO FIND AND WATCH ALLEGED MS. UNIVERSE SEX TAPE

Because he's got the best demeanor for the next president, duh

4

WORKERS PROTEST AT SANTA FE NEW MEXICAN, ALLEGE UNION BUSTING

Let's hope the oldest newspaper in the West doesn't call in the Pinkertons.

5

E-CIG USE ON THE RISE AMONG SANTA FE STUDENTS

Does it smell like cotton candy in here?

6

MAYOR ASKS STATE TO LOOK AT WRONG-WAY TRAFFIC PROBLEM

We're pretty sure that fewer margs for drivers would help.

7

CREEPY CLOWNS APPEAR ACROSS THE COUNTRY

Worst flashmob ever.