1

SANTA FE COPS UNION WANTS MORE MONEY

Pension, pretty cars and power don't pay today's bills.

2

GARY JOHNSON THINKS ALEPPO IS AN ACRONYM

Athletic Libertarian Evades Presidential Performance Opportunity

3

PROTESTORS DROWN OUT FIESTA ENTRADA REENACTMENT...

Even so, the bloodless reconquest lie lives on.

4

...AND ORGANIZERS STILL DON'T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS

It's just celebratory revisionist history that glosses over a systematic attempt to erase an entire people and their culture—what's the big effing deal?!

5

HILLARY HAS PNEUMONIA

How dare she!

6

MATT LAUER SOFTBALLS TRUMP

Who could believe all those hard-hitting Today Show travel tips didn't prepare him?

7

CITY LOWERS PARKING RATE FOR FARMERS

The rest of you can still suck it up.