1

BACHELOR PARTYGOERS FIND RARE FOSSIL AT ELEPHANT BUTTE

"Dude, am I tripping? Or is that a great big elephant head?"

2

SUSPICIOUS CANISTER FORCES EVACUATION DOWNTOWN

No word yet on the economic impact of dozens of canceled dinner reservations.

3

US BEATS BRAZIL IN WORLD CUP MATCH

Employers report mysterious soccer sickness affecting office attendance.

4

JAMIE ESTRADA TAKES PLEA DEAL IN 'EMAILGATE' CASE

We're so glad the federal government cares so much about privacy.

5

TOURISM DEPARTMENT LAUNCHES BREAKFAST BURRITO BYWAY MAP

Yep. Your tax dollars paid for that too.

6

KIT CARSON'S NAME STRIPPED FROM TAOS PARK

Now everyone will just call it "The park that used to be Kit Carson."

7

PESO CHAVEZ PASSED OVER FOR CITY SECURITY CONTRACT

City mourns the death of the patrĂ³n system.