1

T OR C RESIDENTS AWAIT SPACEPORT BENEFITS.

New town motto,  "from outhouses to outer space" is also on hold. 2

STATE POLICE OFFICER FIRED FOR SHOOTING AT  VAN WITH CHILD PASSENGERS.
What if he had exhibited better marksmanship?
3

JUDGES RULE MENTAL HEALTH AUDIT CAN REMAIN SECRET.
Public-records law to be replaced by the If We Feel Like It Act.
4

REBECCA WURZBURGER DROPS OUT OF MAYOR'S RACE. 
Now, the city will lose the national Best Dressed Mayor contest for sure.

 5

GEORGE RR MARTIN PUBLISHES NOVELLA ON DANGEROUS WOMEN. But where's the next Song of Ice and Fire book, George? 6

MANNY ARAGON RELEASED FROM PRISON TO HIS CASTLE HOUSE.  
At least we know how this story ends.
7

CVB INTRODUCES RISTRA THE REINDEER FOR TOURISM MASCOT.

Apparently, Frosty the Adobeman didn't test well.