At The Fork's house, we do this thing after we eat anything even slightly healthy wherein desserts are shoveled into our mouths with reckless abandon. It basically goes like, "I ate three baby carrots—where's that damn ice cream?!" It's wise, we think, but just as we've grown to not like subpar coffee or beer or bedsheets, we only want the best desserts we can find. Yes, this means they taste great; no, it doesn't mean they have to be needlessly fancy or unaffordable. And if we had our druthers, the following sweet treats would find their way into our bellies real soon:

Tres Leches @Burrito Spot ($3.50)
There are now three of these bad boys across town, and when we're not scarfing down on any of their fine burritos (or taquitos), it's only because we just finished said scarf and are frantically trying to get the to-go container of tres leches cake open. This one's simple, but fantastic—an impossibly moist and excellently frosted slice that proves The Fork's theory that the most unassuming restaurants are often much better than you'd think.

German Chocolate Cake @Tune-Up Café ($6)
When The Fork was just a lad, romping through the fens and spinneys of adolescence, a certain Uncle Gilbert of ours so loved German chocolate cake that it became known as "Gilbert Chocolate Cake." We don't know if you have some kind of adorable childhood memory wrapped up in your favorite cakes, but you don't even really need one for this thing to be on your radar. Layers? Coconut? Chocolate? Good lord, we're having a moment.

Tiramisu @Il Vicino ($5.50)
Normally, when we're feeling like tiramisu, we'll grab a quick one from Whole Foods, because they're surprisingly good. However, upon recently sampling of Il Vicino's particular version, we're on board. It's got all them ladyfingers you know and love and a satisfying consistency, and that's not even mentioning the chocolate drizzle on top. Say what!? Yup, this one's for real.

Ice Cream @La Lecheria
When Fire & Hops chef Joel Coleman set out to open a craft ice cream business, we admit that we thought, "Ummm, OK, dude," to ourselves. But upon tasting the stuff, we were all like, "Oh, dang. We were wrong." For the less adventurous, they've got the vanilla, chocolate, mint choco-chip thing going down, but with seasonal flavors that include green chile, hibiscus or sweet corn, it might be time to expand your creamy horizons. We've even heard that local restaurants have been clamoring for their own signature flavors (Milad Persian Bistro has one with rose water). Feeling that. Feeling that hard … and crossing our fingers for some kind of chai situation.

So there's the requisite four things The Fork has decided is the way to go. Thoughts? And don't come at us like, "Oh, I had this great flourless choco cake one time!" Just stop it. We want special items. SPECIAL!

Also

-No word yet on exactly what's going down with the San Francisco Street Bar & Grill, but we've spoken with a former employee (who wishes to remain nameless) who says there's no information on a reopening date yet. Yikes.

-We're going to advise everyone against the recently-opened Ji Wang Noodle Shop. We're sure they've very nice people, but a couple of veggie soups, some veggie fried rice plus sticky rice set The Fork back nearly $40. Plus, we're talkin' what had to have been frozen veggies not completely thawed and, in one of the weirdest things we've ever seen, lettuce and tomato just straight-up in the soup. No thanks.

-The Instacart grocery delivery service is set to launch in Santa Fe as of Thursday Feb. 8 (that's today!) and seems like a great way to not have to actually leave one's home. Swish on that. According to our sources, something like 53,000-plus houses in town will be eligible for delivery, including weirdo areas like Tesuque and Seton Village. Still, if hitting the store were a baffling debacle of driving, we'd probably avail ourselves.

-We're also hearing rumors about a soon-to-open alcoholic kombucha taproom in the Solana Center. Anyone have the inside scoop on this? We know Santa Fe was super against a Total Wine opening here, but we're oddly sure no one will boycott this specific biz.

Santa Fe Restaurant Week is just around the corner (Feb. 18-25) and from what we've seen so far, it'll be a great time for foodies, normies, fork-a-feans and people who are into stuffing their faces. With a price range of about $15-$45, there's something for everyone. Just pace yourselves.

More Tidbits
-Jesse Szewczyk at Buzzfeed knows what to do when it comes to dressing up bread, but, and let's be honest here, it's really mostly about cheese.

-We hear the jabronis over at Decanter Magazine named this $7 bottle of Walmart wine as one of the best in the world. It's a valuable lesson in not assuming expensive stuff is the best stuff, which we covered in the section above.

-Over on popsugar.com, celeb chef Gordon Ramsay shares his top three food trends that need to just die already. And if that's not enough Ramsay for you, watch this. The Fork actually loves this guy, especially on his program Kitchen Nightmares, a show in which people ask him for help and then fight his advice the whole damn time.

-If you weren't aware that Tacros (a magical hybrid of taco and croissant) exist, read this immediately and then someone figure out how we can get at these bad boys while employing minimal effort.

Finally

In the never-ending saga of what we should call readers of The Fork, our dear friend Rachel suggests that Santa Feans should be called Forkefeans, while those who live outside our fair city can be Forkarinos. Any thoughts?

Fork reader Sue points out that La Plancha in Eldorado has a killer bison burger. Hopefully this helps our other pal Stuart on his quest for that bison-y goodness. And while we're talking about Eldorado, reader Jennifer wants everyone to be aware the coffee at The Coffee Wheel is fair trade, organic and fully excellent. Thanks for the tip, Jennifer!

Meanwhile, Forkefean Tony is concerned that he can't find deserts in and around Santa Fe that are suitable for diabetics. The Fork's grandmother was diabetic, so this subject is near and dear to us—who's gonna help Tony out with some good suggestions?

As always, SFR's Restaurant Guide is available and clickable for all your, umm, clickable hunger needs. Pop by here and plan your next food outing.

Last of all, The Fork wants to take a moment to let you know how excited we are that everyone has been emailing and suggesting and, yes, even admonishing. We couldn't do it without ya Fork-a-Maniacs, and we're always glad to hear from you.

Tune in next time for Fork and Mindy or A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Fork!

PS—That's right, The Fork loves Rocky & Bullwinkle. And Mark Twain. And Robin Williams. And bad puns.