Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff
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Former busboy, Japanese hair model and TV salesman Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff is a writer living in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Homeless at 13, functionally illiterate at 18, Emiliano somehow (affirmative action for people hampered by bad grades) got into UC Berkeley, where he graduated with honors (if not honor) in an interdisciplinary program he pretentiously entitled "Language, Cognition and Social Theory." After a brief stint as an investigator at a law firm where Emiliano was essentially a male Erin Brockovich, the California native quit his job and hit rock bottom in a scene that involved roommates, nudity, tears and police officers. This prompted his move to Santa Fe, where SFR took mercy on him and gave him a gig writing about film. Emiliano now consistently wins Honorable Mention in uncompetitive journalism competitions. |
Stories by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff
Crikey
They don’t make ’em like this anymore. Thank God. Australia is worse than you think.
Twice Bitten
Two based-on-the-best-selling-novel vampire movies—one stars adults but is aimed at 12-year-olds, the other stars 12-year-olds but is aimed at adults—have arrived simultaneously. Good news for those who want nothing more than a sip of somebody’s blood.
Hot/Cold
SFR's winter reversal ratings of how temperature rocks the cinematic world. Or something.
Western Medicine
There simply isn’t a single false note or bit of contrivance in Rachel Getting Married
Reeled In
The term “Oscar bait” derives its meaning from films such as Changeling. Working from a script that touches on heart-wrenching, tear-jerking themes—and one that castigates a period of paternalism and corruption that nearly everyone can feel good about castigating...
Loch Ness Weirdo
It’s astonishing how many creepy guys women have to put up with. Creepy dudes seem to lurk everywhere. They emerge to grope themselves publicly, say really awkward things or strike up conversations with the obvious (“So, shopping, huh?”).
Eye of Our Storm
The new Hurricane Katrina documentary Trouble the Water is a film that should be seen by every single American. That sounds like hyperbole, but isn’t. See this movie. It’s that important.
Troy and Chad
I was sooo prepared to loathe High School Musical 3 before I realized that—if I understand things right—it is Disney’s first movie about gay teenagers struggling with their super-obvious gayness while trying to live double lives as Disney-perfect straight kids.
Pain and Suffrage
W. would have been exceptionally ballsy back when Bush’s approval ratings were at a historic high. As they reach unprecedented lows, which have gone from being counted in percentage points to being counted on fingers, one is almost tempted to feel sorry for the guy—tragically flawed as he is, with his faith vastly stronger than his competence. Almost.
Gay/Lord
A holy light doth shineth upon Save Me. Unfortunately, the radiance that bathes this gay “conversion” drama, made and set in New Mexico, is, in fact, the too-perfect glow of soap opera lighting and the first indication of the cheesy melodrama to come.
